Spontaneous Combustion

Throughout my life I have been described by many people as ‘easy-going’ and ‘laid back’. This, my friends, is not entirely true. I know it’s shocking, right? ;) I do have a healthy grasp on what is truly important (i.e. worth getting upset or angry about) and what is not. But I also have a tendency to worry, overanalyze, worry, over think, worry, obsess, and oh let’s not forget worry. I worry about how well I’d fare in a natural disaster or if Zombies attacked. I worry about what kind of parent I might be and how I might screw up any potential offspring I may have. I worry about getting older. I also worry about my health a lot. I’m not sickly but I’m convinced that every ache, pain, spot, bruise, and twitch is some kind of terminal disease. (I really need to not consult the internet to diagnose my symptoms.)

But here’s a particularly nutty example of the sorts of things that worry me. I am always anxious when I’m about to leave the house for the day/weekend and extra anxious if I am the last to leave. The fear is that the house will burn down and it will be because of something I have left plugged in or unattended. Sometimes it’s the stove or the iron, often it is my hair styling devices. I am constantly leaving the house only to return moments later to recheck something that I have already checked a hundred times. I have called my roommates on SEVERAL occasions to check on things for me. Last weekend, as I was leaving for the cottage, I noticed a pile of weeds on the patio that had become quite dry and brittle from the sun. As I was driving away I decided that the hot sun was going to ignite the dried weeds on the patio and burn the house down and it would be my fault because while this thought had crossed my mind I didn’t scoop up the weeds and put them in the garbage. I explained this fear to my very logical and pragmatic travelling companion on the way. He chuckled at me, shook his head a little and said: “You know that can’t happen, right?” I replied, “Well, I’m sure it HAS happened to someone somewhere!” He conceded that yes there have been a handful of documented cases of spontaneous combustion throughout history so it is technically possible. But the odds of all factors that would have to be in place for this to happen would be a bazillion to one . And besides, the weeds were resting on my brick patio and brick, I was informed, does not burn well.

During the ride I left my roommate a voicemail asking him to please dispose of the weeds in the backyard so that I wouldn’t have to spend the weekend worrying about them bursting into flames in the backyard. He replied by sending me a text that said: You. Are. Crazy. Lol…