1
Love in the time of Myspace
Posted by Jacquie Bee
on
5:46 PM
I logged into my Myspace account for the first time in a while and much to my surprise I found a plethora of new emails from random men wanting to chat. I am not going to respond to any of these emails for reasons that will become clear as you read along; However, these examples will illustrate the variety of approaches a person can take when “cold calling” a random stranger on a social networking site.
Let’s start with the right approach (if there is such a thing), shall we?
From a 29 year old man who lives in my area:
Hey there, Nice profile and pics :)
How are you?
This is a pretty good tactic: Friendly, short, and sweet. He is about my age (ahem, no heckling) and he is local (i.e. not looking for a mail order bride). He did not say anything offensive and/or offer up reasons why I should let him into my pants. He just thought I was cute and tried to make a connection. If I was looking to date someone new (and if I wasn’t terrified of online dating) perhaps I would write back. However, this person’s photos are all of him in various stages of shirtlessness so that’s a big strike against. He’s not unattractive, but those of you who know me personally will know that this kind of machismo is not really my thing. But that aside, this one is probably the best example (at least in my inbox) of how to approach women online.
Here is the runner up:
From a 45 year old, who is also local:
i think ur very pretty ,im wondering if we could chat sometimes. thanx
Again, the message was sort of sweet and mostly inoffensive if you don’t count the hideous grammar, typos, and text message jargon. It’s a bit more suggestive than the first example which is why I’d be less likely to respond. And I suppose for some women my age 45 is within their dating range but he’s a little too senior for me (if he really IS 45 and not 55 which I suspect, from his picture, is the case). Although, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are both 45 and I don’t think I would refuse a dinner invitation from either one of them. Hm. Maybe the point is if you look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp then you can hit on anyone. Sigh…what was i…talking…about? OH right.
And here are 2 examples of ways to crash and burn.
From a shirtless 43 year old man (who should really put on a shirt) in the US:
Subject Line: hellloooooooo???????????
helloo---i am writing to ask you to write and try to be friendsi am going to be in that area this week from the uninted states and i need a friend. have a drink, see a movie or something fun---maybe shoot some pool--whatevercould i get you interested????? please maybe just set and talk--------
YIKES! I don’t even know where to begin. 'Hello' has one 'o' and should be capitalized if it’s at the beginning of a sentence. I’ve never heard of the "uninted states" and it’s not my fault that you need a friend, loser! No, you could not get me interested even if you say please and use an inappropriate amount of question marks! Set and talk? Set what? The table? A volleyball?
The timer on my self destruct device?
ARGH!
No, No, No! The tone of desperation and the incomprehensibility of this message is enough to send any single gal worth her salt running for the hills.
And now, drum roll please…
This one is from someone who claims to be 22 (yeah right) from the US:
Hey pretty,I saw your pick on your page and i must confess that you look real pretty.I am from ____________ am single and 47 years willing to settle down with an honest and God fearing woman..anway would you mind introducing yourself to me becos i really want to know you, pls accept me my invitation of been that man you have always expect to have in your life...Love to be more than just a friend.
This one is kind of my favourite for so many reasons! First of all, his picture looks like it was taken at a Sears portrait studio and might appear on his RE/Max business card. Second, there is NO WAY this man is 22 unless he his real name is Benjamin Button. (mmm...Brad Pitt...)
I’m not trying to sound like a cold-hearted person here. I’m trying to do a favour for anyone who is considering using Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/whathaveyou as a dating pool. It may not be the best place to troll for chicks/dudes for the simple fact that this is not its intended purpose. But if you are going to try, then be smart about it.
Here are some Dos and Don’ts:
Don’t:
Act desperate. Refrain from words like pleeeeeaaaaase and phrases like “I’m lonely and sad I really think we could be great companions.” This is one of THE best ways to stay single (and celibate) forever.
Be Aggressive. Don’t come on too strong. And for the love of Gouda refrain from any and all sexual over/undertones.
Address the girl as sexy, pretty, baby, beautiful, etc in your email. It’s presumptuous and weird.
Be a stalker. If the person you contact does not reply, take that as a rejection and walk away. Take your fingers off the keyboard and shut ‘er down. Period.
Be longwinded. No one needs your life story in a "pick up"email. That’s what your profile is for.
Cast a wide net. There was a guy on myspace who sent these kinds of emails to almost every girl I knew on that site. Girls talk. If you are going to cut and paste the same lame email and send it to different girls, make sure they are not virtual friends.
Send unsolicited emails to girls who haven’t indicated in some way that they are single and looking for an online love connection. Just don’t. It is unwelcome.
Do:
Use proper grammar and full sentences. It’s not a text message or a telegram. You aren’t paying by the character. Put in a little effort.
Be polite.
Keep it friendly and brief.
I really hope that helps! I'm here to help. If I can help just one person out there, then my work here is done.
Until next time...
Let’s start with the right approach (if there is such a thing), shall we?
From a 29 year old man who lives in my area:
Hey there, Nice profile and pics :)
How are you?
This is a pretty good tactic: Friendly, short, and sweet. He is about my age (ahem, no heckling) and he is local (i.e. not looking for a mail order bride). He did not say anything offensive and/or offer up reasons why I should let him into my pants. He just thought I was cute and tried to make a connection. If I was looking to date someone new (and if I wasn’t terrified of online dating) perhaps I would write back. However, this person’s photos are all of him in various stages of shirtlessness so that’s a big strike against. He’s not unattractive, but those of you who know me personally will know that this kind of machismo is not really my thing. But that aside, this one is probably the best example (at least in my inbox) of how to approach women online.
Here is the runner up:
From a 45 year old, who is also local:
i think ur very pretty ,im wondering if we could chat sometimes. thanx
Again, the message was sort of sweet and mostly inoffensive if you don’t count the hideous grammar, typos, and text message jargon. It’s a bit more suggestive than the first example which is why I’d be less likely to respond. And I suppose for some women my age 45 is within their dating range but he’s a little too senior for me (if he really IS 45 and not 55 which I suspect, from his picture, is the case). Although, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are both 45 and I don’t think I would refuse a dinner invitation from either one of them. Hm. Maybe the point is if you look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp then you can hit on anyone. Sigh…what was i…talking…about? OH right.
And here are 2 examples of ways to crash and burn.
From a shirtless 43 year old man (who should really put on a shirt) in the US:
Subject Line: hellloooooooo???????????
helloo---i am writing to ask you to write and try to be friendsi am going to be in that area this week from the uninted states and i need a friend. have a drink, see a movie or something fun---maybe shoot some pool--whatevercould i get you interested????? please maybe just set and talk--------
YIKES! I don’t even know where to begin. 'Hello' has one 'o' and should be capitalized if it’s at the beginning of a sentence. I’ve never heard of the "uninted states" and it’s not my fault that you need a friend, loser! No, you could not get me interested even if you say please and use an inappropriate amount of question marks! Set and talk? Set what? The table? A volleyball?
The timer on my self destruct device?
ARGH!
No, No, No! The tone of desperation and the incomprehensibility of this message is enough to send any single gal worth her salt running for the hills.
And now, drum roll please…
This one is from someone who claims to be 22 (yeah right) from the US:
Hey pretty,I saw your pick on your page and i must confess that you look real pretty.I am from ____________ am single and 47 years willing to settle down with an honest and God fearing woman..anway would you mind introducing yourself to me becos i really want to know you, pls accept me my invitation of been that man you have always expect to have in your life...Love to be more than just a friend.
This one is kind of my favourite for so many reasons! First of all, his picture looks like it was taken at a Sears portrait studio and might appear on his RE/Max business card. Second, there is NO WAY this man is 22 unless he his real name is Benjamin Button. (mmm...Brad Pitt...)
I’m not trying to sound like a cold-hearted person here. I’m trying to do a favour for anyone who is considering using Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/whathaveyou as a dating pool. It may not be the best place to troll for chicks/dudes for the simple fact that this is not its intended purpose. But if you are going to try, then be smart about it.
Here are some Dos and Don’ts:
Don’t:
Act desperate. Refrain from words like pleeeeeaaaaase and phrases like “I’m lonely and sad I really think we could be great companions.” This is one of THE best ways to stay single (and celibate) forever.
Be Aggressive. Don’t come on too strong. And for the love of Gouda refrain from any and all sexual over/undertones.
Address the girl as sexy, pretty, baby, beautiful, etc in your email. It’s presumptuous and weird.
Be a stalker. If the person you contact does not reply, take that as a rejection and walk away. Take your fingers off the keyboard and shut ‘er down. Period.
Be longwinded. No one needs your life story in a "pick up"email. That’s what your profile is for.
Cast a wide net. There was a guy on myspace who sent these kinds of emails to almost every girl I knew on that site. Girls talk. If you are going to cut and paste the same lame email and send it to different girls, make sure they are not virtual friends.
Send unsolicited emails to girls who haven’t indicated in some way that they are single and looking for an online love connection. Just don’t. It is unwelcome.
Do:
Use proper grammar and full sentences. It’s not a text message or a telegram. You aren’t paying by the character. Put in a little effort.
Be polite.
Keep it friendly and brief.
I really hope that helps! I'm here to help. If I can help just one person out there, then my work here is done.
Until next time...
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