2
some people should not speak.
Posted by Jacquie Bee
on
9:59 AM
(March 11, 2008)
So I’m getting ready to leave for work. It’s Monday morning and I’m scraping the snow and ice off my car which has been parked on the street since Friday. As I’m brushing and chipping and scraping a man pulls up next to me and asks if I’m leaving. I offer a smile, shrug and say “Eventually”. So he pulls in front of me to wait for my spot. Fair enough. Then he gets out of his vehicle and lights a cigarette and starts talking to me.
He opens with “You should have done that yesterday.”
I am agog. He must be making an attempt at humour. I say ‘Pardon?’
He dryly repeats his opening line and successfully reaffirms my belief that some people should not be permitted to speak
I laugh sarcastically and retort “Wow…that’s… useful. Thanks, I didn’t think of that. Yesterday. Huh.” Not one of my better comebacks but it was all I had.
Then he suggests some coaching tips on how to properly clean off my car.
“Ya gotta scrape the wiper blades too cuz there’s a motor and a pin and mwaw mah mwah…bladeeblahblah…”
Sweet baby Jesus…is this guy for real? How fast can I scrape? How clear does my windshield really need to be before I run him over…er…drive to work?
But wait. There was more.
Jerk: Where do you live?
Me: Up the street
Jerk: Isn’t there parking spots?
Me: (scrape, scrape) Are you seriously asking me that?
Jerk: There’s not even one spot?
Me: No.
Jerk: Can’t you park on the front lawn? Turn it into a parking pad.
Me: No.
Jerk: blah blah shnur shnur babble babble blech?
Me: No.
At long last, the ice is off my car so I get in and attempt to pull away. But alas, I am spinning my wheels on the ice. ARGH!!!
Jerk starts barking orders again (back up! Turn your wheels! Give ‘er some gas! Back up again! More gas! MORE GAS!!)
Finally after what feels like an eternity I’m liberated from his company. And I must pat myself on the back for not taking him out.
Seriously.
So I’m getting ready to leave for work. It’s Monday morning and I’m scraping the snow and ice off my car which has been parked on the street since Friday. As I’m brushing and chipping and scraping a man pulls up next to me and asks if I’m leaving. I offer a smile, shrug and say “Eventually”. So he pulls in front of me to wait for my spot. Fair enough. Then he gets out of his vehicle and lights a cigarette and starts talking to me.
He opens with “You should have done that yesterday.”
I am agog. He must be making an attempt at humour. I say ‘Pardon?’
He dryly repeats his opening line and successfully reaffirms my belief that some people should not be permitted to speak
I laugh sarcastically and retort “Wow…that’s… useful. Thanks, I didn’t think of that. Yesterday. Huh.” Not one of my better comebacks but it was all I had.
Then he suggests some coaching tips on how to properly clean off my car.
“Ya gotta scrape the wiper blades too cuz there’s a motor and a pin and mwaw mah mwah…bladeeblahblah…”
Sweet baby Jesus…is this guy for real? How fast can I scrape? How clear does my windshield really need to be before I run him over…er…drive to work?
But wait. There was more.
Jerk: Where do you live?
Me: Up the street
Jerk: Isn’t there parking spots?
Me: (scrape, scrape) Are you seriously asking me that?
Jerk: There’s not even one spot?
Me: No.
Jerk: Can’t you park on the front lawn? Turn it into a parking pad.
Me: No.
Jerk: blah blah shnur shnur babble babble blech?
Me: No.
At long last, the ice is off my car so I get in and attempt to pull away. But alas, I am spinning my wheels on the ice. ARGH!!!
Jerk starts barking orders again (back up! Turn your wheels! Give ‘er some gas! Back up again! More gas! MORE GAS!!)
Finally after what feels like an eternity I’m liberated from his company. And I must pat myself on the back for not taking him out.
Seriously.
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