I didn’t think it would happen. I resisted with as much might as I could muster. But it was futile. Once I picked up the first book by Stephenie Meyer I was hooked. For those of you living under rocks, Twilight is the latest literary (and now film) teen craze that is plaguing pop culture at the moment.

When I initially heard about this book I wasn’t at all curious. But then the hype and hysteria started to build and I wondered what it was all about. My friend had bought Twilight (for the same reason) and while I was unsupervised at her house one morning I casually picked it up and started reading. I was 50 pages in before I realized that I was getting swept up. Sigh…why can’t I have a devastatingly handsome demon lover? Is that so much to ask?!

But as emotionally and indulgently drawn to the story as I am, I feel rather cheap about the whole thing. I feel like, as an adult woman who knows that these kinds of tawdry love stories are complete B.S., I should shake my head in disapproval and get on with things. It’s every girl’s fantasy: Disarmingly beautiful gentleman/mysterious stranger can have any women he wants. But he wants you: graceless, ordinary, and klutzy you. Yeah. Sure.

In Twilight, this is Bella Swan. Of course her name is full of soft consonants and immediately conjures up an image of grace and majestic beauty, right? Why couldn’t her name have been Helga Pickle or Gerta Filk or something equally unappealing? I’m just sayin’. (My apologies if your name is Helga Pickle or Gerta Filk.)

Bella, the new girl to a small town, is clumsy and awkward yet intelligent and cultured. She listens to Debussy, she takes good care of her father (cooking and cleaning etc), she is a straight A student…you get the idea. Our heroine is a respectable young girl, with her head seemingly planted firmly on her shoulders. Then she meets Edward Cullen (insert sigh here). He is described as being god-like in his appearance with his alabaster skin, bronze hair, and “smoldering eyes”. OH and he’s a vampire. But that seems almost irrelevant.

He is instantly drawn to Bella and tries to resist the urge to kill her/love her. (It’s all the same in the end isn’t it?) But try as he might, he can’t stay away. No sir. He’s inexplicable drawn to her scent. He’s never had such a strong reaction or wanted a human being more. She is like his “brand of heroine”. (Intentional pun or no? You decide).

Like any good romance novel hero, Edward’s eyes are constantly “smoldering”, his smile is always “crooked”, and his voice is frequently “velvety”. He saves her from certain death twice in the first one hundred or so pages and…get this…he sparkles like a diamond in sunlight. Sparkles! Seriously.

So you see why I feel like a chump. Shouldn’t I be over this fantasy by now? Shouldn’t I roll my eyes at all the clichéd descriptions and damsel-in-distress rescues instead of wistfully sighing every time Edward caresses Bella’s cheek? Yes I bloody well should!
ARGH!

I won’t spoil the book or film for you by going too much further into the plot. The point is that Edward is protective, mysterious, stunning, and has super powers to boot. He is also complicated, brooding, and emotionally torn inside. And as much as we all want a man that is all put together and decidedly uncomplicated in real life, we often aren’t attracted to this type—especially not at Bella’s tender age. I mean, every normal/human guy worth his salt asks Bella on a date and she turns them all down in favour of Edward the ethereal vampire!

But while it’s great to have a supernatural romance to distract me from the mundane minutiae of my existence—thank you Stephenie Meyer—I must be very careful not to lose perspective here. Edward = fiction. Their relationship, with all its trauma and drama, is ridiculous and the stuff of young adult novels. I mean, it’s hard enough to find a guy that is employed, kind, attractive, single, appeals to me chemically, and is willing to put up with my mood swings, madness, and random irrational fits of tears. I don’t need to be adding fantastical and vampiric adjectives to that already impossible list of qualities that my future husband must possess, right? Right.

Now where was I…Oh yes…third book of the series, Chapter 4.

Sigh…

So this morning I used my litebook for the very first time since purchasing it last spring.

As a long-time sufferer of S.A.D. I decided after last winter to prepare myself for the next dark season. I have actually been feeling pretty good lately due to a lot of positive changes in my life. But the shadows do still come and this time I am armed and ready for a battle royale! HUZZAH!

Um. yeah. I think I need to work on my battle cry. Perhaps a viewing of Braveheart will help.

Anyhoo, the last couple of days I've been feeling a little blue and low on energy. No inexplicable crying fits (hallelujah!) so that's a plus. This morning I snuck out of my room so I wouln't wake the pups and went to the kitchen to have some coffee. I set my little litebook on the table and watched BT for about 20 minutes while I let the mood-lifting LED light invade my peepers.

And I gotta tell ya...I feel pretty good! I don't know if it's psychosomatic or not but I feel very alert and perky! And really, "perky" is not a word I ever use to describe myself. I'm going to do this every morning with the hope that this winter I will not turn into Zombie girl again this winter. Go me. :)

Ok, so 2 of my dear friends are all keeping up with their blogs and shit. Me? Not so much.
I am the self-professed queen of starting stuff up and then letting it fizzle away. Enough I say!

Last night I went to Massey Hall to see one of my favourite people do a reading. That's right, David Sedaris, I'm talking to you. You know, cuz he's like, totally reading this. :P
He was brilliant as always, tickling the crowd with his dry wit and spot on delivery of stories all about life's minutae and random acts of humour.
One of my favourites had to do with a trip he made to Costco. He likes to give out little gifts at his book signings (safety pins, advil, etc.) So he was looking for something small, light, and individually wrapped. He ended up wandering through Costco with his brother-in-law pushing a cart containing only a club pack of condoms. LOL...
He told his bro in law that they really needed to put something else in this cart so the bro went and grabbed a 5 lb box of strawberries. Which only served to make them look GAYER!
OMG...I thought I would pee my pants. He was all...'yeah cuz you know, we homos like some shortcake afterwards'.
(Note: For those who don't know, Mr. Sedaris is openly gay and was not, and nor am I, being derrogatory. He was just taking the piss out of himself as is his wont.)

Anyhoo, this has nothing to do with anything except that I'm going to try and post on a more regular...er...at least more frequent basis. And then maybe someone will read this. And then they will all think that I'm brilliant and witty and interesting (like Jenn) and I will become a rich and famous blogger and people will wish they were me. HA!

Yours in cheese,

JFB