5. Fair, if you want to win.

With the Summer Olympics fast approaching, I'm hoping that this won't be the case. But usually, sadly, it's true.

4. Evil with a macaroni duck.

Need I say more?

3. This feeling anymore

Why? Because I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for.

2. City Hall

But, in the words of the great George Carlin you can damn sure blow it up

1. The Moonlight

It’s gonna get to your heart.
Never has Leann Rimes been more correct.

Honourable mention:

You can’t fight The Internet.

David Albo, a Republican politician out of Virginia, came up with this gem. He is largely responsible for the “abusive driver fees” that raised traffic fines in Virginia to an exorbitant amount. Failure to signal got you a $1050 ticket. This wildy unpopular law was enacted to raise funds for the state's transportation department. When it was repealed earlier this year, Mr. Albo claimed "We lost the PR battle. You can't fight the Internet."

Translation? “And I would’ve got away with it too! If it wasn’t for you meddling kids…”

So Bhisham, my brain lover/saviour at the office, has challenged me to write a list of gratitude to stave off the anxiety that lately, is looming in the corner like a starving wolf.

So here it is.

I am grateful for:

Bhisham. The one who reminds me that I am not a loser, just stupid— Stupid for not always recognizing my own power and magic. The one who “gets” me and can make me laugh with one word (e.g. WHOLEsale, ToGETHer, Juice, Carrots, IntoxiCAYted, etc.) ;)

My health. Not that I am the epitome of wellness but everything functions the way it should and all appendages are present and accounted for. I can move and jump and dance. I can walk, speak, eat, and pee without assistance. I am grateful for this.

Music. Music is what moves me above all other things in the art world. A sweeping melody can colour the world in such a way that everything has a poignancy that it didn’t have on its own. And the fact that I have the ability to recognize this is also a blessing. Thank you.

Love. Everywhere I go I am surrounded by love. It’s sometimes overwhelming because I don’t always feel deserving or equipped to return it in the appropriate ways, but it makes me feel warm and secure even when I’m cold and unstable.

Thank you Bhishy, for making me…er…suggesting that I do this. I feel better.

So there is this guy who works in my office who only wears t-shirts to work. Winter, Summer…it doesn't matter. All t-shirts, all the time. What's wrong with that, you ask? A little too casual for the office but who cares, right? Normally I would agree. But he only wears designer t-shirts, with what I can only imagine is a very high Lycra content, that are so tight I can get a fairly accurate visual of the size and shape of his nipples.

Now, if he were a woman, or fat, or old, I think at some point he would have had his wrist slapped for violating the office dress code. But since he is a tall, attractive, and exceptionally fit thirty something male you can bet there will be no repercussions. And this isn't about social justice or feminism or equality or t-shirts. The thing that really gets my panties in a twist about this guy is that is the most pompous and conceited s.o.b. that I've had the displeasure of crossing paths with in quite some time.

Of course, since he has never deigned to speak to me I can’t be sure that he is a complete asshole. Perhaps in his off hours he rescues babies from burning crack houses or nurtures broken-winged birds back to health. What I do know is that I he refuses to return a greeting in the hallway or say thank you if you hold the door for him. I mean, he could just be shy, right? But I believe you would have to think you were the bee's knee's to strut around an office wearing a t-shirt so inappropriately tight passersby can count your chest hair. I bet he washes his shirts on his own abs just because he can. UGH! Tall, good-looking, pompous, tight shirt wearing men really piss me off.

I looked up the company's dress code and it only cites the following as 'unsuitable office attire':

· T-shirts or sweatshirts with inappropriate slogans

· Blue jeans

· Short-shorts or cut-offs

· Halter tops or cropped tops

· Spandex or work-out clothing

Shit. Nothing about the tightness of clothing. But it also says employees are expected to "maintain a standard of professional appearance that represents the appropriate image of the company." I guess if the 'appropriate image' of the company is Narcissistic Jackass then what can I say except carry on my wayward son. Carry on.

Dear Blog,
I'm deeply sorry for neglecting you this past month or so. I've been careless with your feelings and I feel terrible about it. I will do the best I can to remedy this situation. Starting now.

Apologetically,

Jacquie